Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
