I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
