Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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