Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
