I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
