Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize