judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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