Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
