I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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