we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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