About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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