Your face is a jimmy john
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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