I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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