I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
