I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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