watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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