its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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