When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
