Soap is not a condiment
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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