my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
