I can tuck mytits in my pants
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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