i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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