Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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