I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
