God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
