We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize