yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I want to fling myself into the sun
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize