Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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