I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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