Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
