Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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