i just wanna soil my oats bro
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
whose parrot is this?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
