Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
