Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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