I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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