She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
