I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
