I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
