Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
