picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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