It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So squirting runs in the family.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
