so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
