there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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