Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
