Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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