Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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