I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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