1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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