I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
