She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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