Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
