do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
