Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
