hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
