I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize