Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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