he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize