does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
