The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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