the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The power of my boobs compel you
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
