Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
How's work?
Spinning.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
