A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
