I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
