ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
