I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
