I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
