i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This is my gift to your gina
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
