Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
