girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize