absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
