How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
