I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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