My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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