areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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