Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have post one night stand depression
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