honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
