Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
