She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
